Soul of Patience

Is It Really Loneliness

Barbara — Sun, 29 Mar 2020 20:47:16 +0000

It’s March 29, 2020 and as I sit here watching the morning news concerning this pandemic we are in, my thoughts drift to how so many people cannot be alone. Why, I wondered. Fear? Distraction? Learned behavior? Maybe all of these and more. What are we afraid of ? Being with ourselves, being with our thoughts? I looked into myself and my life of the past few years. I am alone. I moved in 2012 across the country where I knew very few people and left all my comforts. It felt right, I was ready for a new journey. My Mom left this earth in 2009 and took a very large piece of my heart with her. She was my best friend. She was the glue that held the family together. My brother and my cousins were all the family I had left and they, one by one, left me too. I still had my friends, even if we were miles apart. They are my real family. It’s interesting that the family of cousins I grew up with, that lived close to me are now the ones that are distant. The cousins I grew up with but lived far away have been the ones that have been my strength and support as my friends of many years have been. But not in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would be this lonely. Or as I have said, is it really loneliness? Did I subconsciously choose this path at this time to be, really be, with myself ? Being with your thoughts, yourself, takes courage. It’s a bit frightening sometimes. It has gotten pretty dark a few times. It’s necessary, at least for me it is. It has forced me to dig deep into myself. To really be with myself, to accept myself. And to accept this part of my journey of being alone. Let me clarify. For me, being alone is not just about having human contact. I have felt alone in a crowd, even with people I know. To not be lonely for me, is about a connection, a deep connection. I cannot remember the last time anyone hugged me, really hugged me. Held my hand with passion, kissed me, patted me on the back or shoulder and meant it. The only constant I have as far as contact with another life are with my Dobermans. Once again, they have been my life line, my constant. They keep me breathing. They have given me human contact through the students I teach training to. But it is these Dobermans that breath life into me. My Dobermans and being alone have brought me closer to God. I lost my faith not too long ago. It has been through the loneliness that I got it back and it is deeper. My Dobermans helped me more than anyone will know. After all, God spelled backward is dog. Perhaps this is the path, being alone brings me closer to God?

Jetta

Barbara — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 15:21:14 +0000

Jetta, was a certified therapy dog. I started a READ program with her for a local private school in NJ. She was so incredible with the kids. The Director of the school was a bit apprehensive allowing a Doberman to be with the children. Then Jetta won her over at their first meeting! The Director would come to the classroom every week to watch Jetta interact with the kids. She was blown away by Jetta. She commented that Jetta was the smartest dog she had ever met. That her natural ability of knowing what the kids needed from her was incredible! The kids one by one would take their turn reading to Jetta. They would bring their book that they picked especially for her, sit on her mat with her on the floor and start to read. Jetta would lay next to them as they read. And if they stopped petting her, she would place her head on the book and look up at them with her brown eyes until they started to pet her again. Petting her helped the kids to slow down their words as they read. It also helped them to relax, and gain confidence in front of the class. Wish I had a therapy dog as a kid in school, I hated being up in front of the class!! Ha Ha! The kids loved her and she loved them! Teachers would request her for their class year after year, so I got to see first hand the progress they made. It was remarkable! It was bitter-sweet when we said our good-byes before moving to Tucson Arizona. Dogs, so good for our lives….

Murph

Barbara — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 15:03:17 +0000

All my life even as a young child, my dog was my confidant and best friend. My tenth birthday was the greatest birthday of my life! I had asked for a dog most of my young life and my parents always said no. Then on my tenth birthday I got Murph. An eight week old beagle puppy. Oh my goodness he was so adorable. His ears were big, and were as soft as velvet. That dog and the music of Carol King got me through adolescence and high school. I loved that dog with all my heart. I would sit in my room for hours with Murph by my side listening to music. He kept me in the moment and loved me unconditionally. Dogs have an energy about them. It’s a known fact that petting and living with a dog is calming on your whole being.